CLOWNS ~ Love 'em or hate 'em?

Does this look like the cuddly ~ bubbly entertainer you

think you have booked for your children's party?

Horror or Sweetie~chops?

As the title of this blog suggests, I have created these pages to find out how everyone really feels about CLOWNS. To start this mass~debate, I would like to ask what you think their best/worst attributes are.

Do they bring on quivering hysterical giggles? (You know the type when, for no reason at all you giggle, however hard you try you cannot stop! ~ even when nothing funny is happening). This is called nervous laughter. To a clown this can often be mistaken as audience enjoyment. Clowns thrive on it.

Do you think clowns are funny, cute and colourful people? Are you jealous of their curly bright yellow hair, enormous pantaloons and ridiculously long floppy shoes? Is it your life~long ambition to have a career in a travelling circus?

Have you recently invited a clown into your house to entertain your children? Have small insignificant items suddenly gone missing? Would you trust a clown to baby-sit?

Ever wondered what makes a clown want to disguise his or her appearance? Are they grossly disfigured underneath? Have they got something to hide?

I’ve heard some folk think they’re an evil bunch of scary fuckers. Killers in disguise. Admittedly, a lot of these people suffer from ‘coulrophobia’. This fear of clowns is in Yahoo’s top ten of searched phobias. If you hate them, you are obviously not alone. Shouldn’t be left alone with one either.

Who needs a gun with a face like this?

Stuff Nightmares are made of...

Do they send you into a gibbering, goggle-eyed mess?
Do you recoil with disgust as one approaches?
Do you have panic attacks just thinking about them?
Do circus programmes make you feel nauseas, sweaty and overcome by feelings of dread as you turn each page?

Yes these are all signs of having coulrophobia. You may need psychiatric help for that. But why turn to that expensive option? Let me try to help you first. Take a seat on my long red couch and relax. Shut your eyes and prepare for a bumpy ride…

Have you, at some point in your past, experienced emotional trauma in the presence of a clown? Think back if you dare. There may be a situation, which happened a long time ago and your brain is blocking it out. Your irrational reactions are a protective mechanism, feeding on your unconscious mind. Can you remember the original catalyst that triggered your fear?

If you can, you are half way to facing your horrors. If you can’t, well, that’s
the extent of my psychiatric skills, I’m afraid. I could always try dressing up
as a clown and jumping out from behind the couch, using the ‘element of surprise’ technique.

Kill or cure, as the saying goes.

Failing that you could hire me (and a fancy dress clown costume) for the day.
I’d sit at the bottom of your bed and stare at you. All through the night. Exposure~based therapy works wonders!

As an adult do you hate the thought of being asked to go and watch a circus~
because everyone will laugh if they find out your secret? Have you ever been
forced or tricked into going to a circus and a clown picked on you? Audience participation can be a frightening ordeal!

Do you live in fear of having children who’ll grow up wanting a huge clown face painted onto their headboard?

What’s your worst nightmare ~ a clown creeping up on you from behind, with an
axe that’s not made of plastic?

Shit! Now I'm scared!

Not your average clown.

Maybe you are a clown.

If so, are you fed up with being splattered with custard pies for cheap laughs? Are other peoples clichéd clown jokes wearing a little thin? Can you not walk down the street without being smothered by clown~ist abuse and prejudice? Do you hate having to smile all of the time? Is that why you paint on your smiley face?

It is quite possible you have transvestite tendencies. If this is the case, then being a clown might well be a poor excuse for dressing in outlandish clothes and wearing makeup in public?

Are you being subscribed anti-depressants by your doctor, to curb your artistic temperament? Underneath that happy smile, do you have a hidden agenda? Would you tell me if you have?

Come on Co-Coa, Spanky, Scooter, Shivers or what ever your name is ~ we are dying to hear your stories! You can’t hide forever. Come out, come out wherever you are!

Whether you see clowns as harmless bundles of entertainment or an evil cult ready to take over the world... get on your soapbox and give it your best shot. Voice your arguments, start a clown war!

Love them or hate them, just post and tell me!